A suspensful comedy inspired by Hitchcock mysteries, Foul Play came out the same year as Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), but aside from mysteriously disappearing bodies, the tone could not be more different. This movie's got it all- albinos, dwarfs, porn, and the Pope. And of course, it wouldn't be a San Francisco movie without an exciting car chase! Well, more of a 'mad dash across town,' with nobody really in pursuit, but with plenty of footage of 70s land yachts screaming down impossibly steep hills nonetheless. All that and a laughing snake (YES I SWEAR AND IT'S AWESOME). Starring Goldie Hawn, Chevy Chase, Brian Dennehy, and Burgess Meredith, with fantastic appearances by Dudley Moore and Billy Barty. Directed by Colin Higgins, 1978.

The cold open of the film shows the Archbishop of San Francisco returning to his sprawling manse from an evening engagement. He is greeted by his housekeeper, played by Frances Bay (who will always and forever be known to a certain subset of people [me] only as Mrs. Tremond). Archbishop Thorncrest bids her goodnight and goes to put on a record in his office- where he is promptly assassinated! 

Quick cut to a daytime party with an envious view of the Golden Gate Bridge. Gloria Mundy (Hawn), a librarian and recent divorcée, is reluctantly mingling at a friend's insistence. She leaves the party early for a scenic drive along Highway 1, during which we're treated to some credits and a Barry Manilow song about bouncing back from heartbreak. Gloria encounters a disabled car in a pullout on the coastal route and decides to offer assistance to the driver, who goes by 'Scotty.' Scotty convinces Gloria to meet him later that night at a movie, and asks her to hold onto his cigarettes until then in order to help him cut down on his smoking. She agrees, unaware that he has slipped a roll of film into the pack along with the three remaining smokes. 

At the theater that night, Gloria's sure she's been stood up, and resignedly goes inside alone. A few minutes into the noir mystery, Scotty stumbles in and joins her. She is distracted from his words by the movie, but remembers him saying 'beware the dwarf' before he drops dead. What's more, he's bled all over her popcorn! She alerts the manager and has the movie halted and house lights brought up, but the body has mysteriously disappeared. Suspicious and frightened, she returns home to be comforted by her kindly old landlord, Mr. Hennessy (Meredith).

The next evening, Gloria is closing up the library when she's attacked by an albino. Fleeing, Gloria hides in a singles' bar where she meets Stanley Tibbets (Moore). When Gloria begs Stanley to take her home, he thinks he's hit the jackpot. At his apartment, Stanley begins to 'seduce' Gloria, who is too distracted watching for the albino out the window to even notice his absurd advances. When she turns to find him in his heart-print boxers, with his Murphy bed unfurled and a full display of sex toys at the ready, she decides to return home. 

It's a howlingly funny scene, and aside from Stanley giving Gloria a heavier pour of vodka, steers deftly around the creepy date-rape tropes that so many 20th-century comedies both normalized and used as a crutch. Dudley Moore's performance is pure, uninhibited joy, and warrants repeat watching. If it were up to me, Moore's headstone would feature an LCD screen playing an unending loop of gifs from this scene.

Back home in her apartment, Gloria is attacked by a man with a scar, who demands the film that Scotty left in her care. She defends herself by stabbing him with a pair of knitting needles. When he rallies and attacks her again, the albino appears in her window and throws a knife at her assailant, dropping him in his tracks! Gloria faints from shock- when she awakens, the police have arrived to assist, in the form of Lieutenant Tony Carlson (Chase) and his partner Inspector Ferguson, known as 'Fergie' (Dennehy). The body has, yet again, disappeared, as has the albino. Tony and Fergie both think she's crazy, but Tony also thinks she's cute.

Upon hearing of the attack the following work day, Gloria's over-vigilant co-worker Stella gives her a small arsenal for self-defense: a personal alarm, pepper spray, and brass knuckles. None too soon- Gloria is leaving work later that same day when she is abducted by a limo driver! Using the self-defense tools, she escapes and makes her way, bedraggled, rain-soaked, and missing a shoe, to the police department, where Tony and Fergie promptly begin to take her story a bit more seriously.

Tony, now beginning to investigate in earnest, discovers two things. First, that Bob 'Scotty' Scott was an undercover cop investigating an assassination plot against the Pope involving a hitman known as 'The Dwarf.' Second, the limousine which was used in Gloria's abduction is registered to the Archdiocese of San Francisco. Tony, Fergie, and Gloria go to speak with Archbishop Thorncrest, who, contrary to viewers' expectations, is very much alive (different housekeeper, though). The Archbishop feigns innocence, claiming the limo was stolen by his former driver. 

Tony takes Gloria home to Sausalito, where, unable to resist the primal tidal rocking of his houseboat, she succumbs to his seductions. The next day, he's called out to the beach, where the body of Gloria's scarred assailant has washed up. Gloria returns home to prepare for her friend's wedding, but receives a phone call from Fergie asking her to meet him somewhere, right away.

Gloria arrives at the address, above a seedy massage parlor, in her bridesmaid's dress and carrying her umbrella, as instructed. When she goes upstairs, Fergie manages to yell out, warning her that it's a trap, and she escapes into the massage parlor's rear entrance, pursued by the Pope's would-be assassins. She briefly encounters Stanley Tibbets again, who is availing himself of the massage parlor's services. Before she can escape, the roughs break in and snatch her. She is taken to the Archbishop's home, where it is revealed that the assassinated clergyman is being impersonated by his twin brother. 

Tony and Mr. Hennessy race to the Archbishop's mansion, where Gloria and Fergie are already being held. After a struggle, they are subdued and forced to listen as the assorted villains expound, Bond-like, on the full details of their evil plan (in summary: they are radical atheists). After another (exceedingly unconvincing) struggle, the conspirators have been defeated. Gloria and Tony have no choice but to race across town to foil the assassination plot, now unfolding over a performance of The Mikado at the opera house.

As The Mikado begins, the duo begin to tear ass down the city's famous hills. When they crash their own car, they commandeer a pick-up truck with a small cabin built onto the rear bed. When they in turn crash the pick-up truck, leaving the cabin a half-block away, they steal an airport limousine that stops to assist. The limo happens to contain a newly-arrived Japanese tourist couple, who, once they are informed that they are involved in Kojack-like police work, begin to take enormous glee in the high-speed ride. 

Upon arrival at the opera house, Gloria and Tony bid goodbye to the couple, who have thoroughly enjoyed their introduction to America, and race inside. The albino snags Gloria and takes her hostage in a shoot-out that occurs backstage, visibly distracting a number of the singers onstage as well as the orchestra's leader: none other than Stanley Tibbits. Tony manages to shoot and kill the albino, who falls from the scaffolding onto an HMS Pinafore set, bringing it down onstage at the climax of The Mikado's final song. At first there is stunned silence from the audience, but then the Pope begins to clap, and the whole house comes down. The curtain descends, as does the albino's body.

Gloria and Tony reunite and lock lips, oblivious as the curtain rises again on the audience. Why, it's like the standing ovation is just for them! I'd say they're ready to take a chance again on love. What about you, Barry?

Although there a handful of inconsistencies and general plot questions in Foul Play, I found that by far the greatest stretch of the bounds of credibility was asking viewers to see Chevy Chase as a charming romantic lead, when everyone knows that in fact, he is a shit-golem constructed of the vilest effluvia found on earth. Nice try, Hollywood. Still, he and Goldie Hawn were unbelievably pretty-looking in 1978, and make a nice on-screen pair. 

In addition to the many authentic San Francisco settings in Foul Play, the film is a true marker of the 70s as well. Despite the fact that Gloria doesn't smoke, men keep lighting up in her car (Scotty) and her house (Tony). Although I'm sure there's more than a little subtle sexism implied by these actions, it probably speaks just as much to the prevalence of smoking in that era, and to how quickly we in contemporary times have become accustomed to our precious no-smoking zones. 

Naturally, all those cigarettes are going to lead to nicotine stains on your walls and ceilings, so the 70s answer to that dilemma was to decorate as ostentatiously as possible. Gloria's apartment is filled with screaming bright florals in avocado and gold- her drapes match her sofa in the living room, and her window shade matches the wallpaper in the bathroom. It's Tony's houseboat, however, that really hits peak trend with its wood-on-wood-on-macrame look. This home looks like it is single-handedly responsible for the clearcutting of several acres of rainforest: in addition to wood paneling and wood shelving, the wall behind Tony's bed is shingled, on the inside. What's more, his bed's headboard appears to be made of an ordinary, unpainted garden lattice. It's a wonder that the friction from their lovemaking didn't set that tinderbox ablaze.

Using telecasts in the background, the Pope's journey across the United States, culminating in his visit to San Francisco, is peppered throughout the film's action. Il Papa in this film was played by noted San Francisco businessman and philanthropist Cyril Magnin, the irony being that Magnin was Jewish (albeit non-observant). Magnin was well-regarded for his generous support of the arts in the city, as well as his instrumental role as a donor to the Kennedy presidential campaign. 

As I've come to expect, the film's climactic fast-driving-scene (it's technically not correct to call it a chase scene) plots a completely nonsensical route through the city. Although it includes some remarkable scenery and fulfills the obligatory Flying Down A Steep Hill quota, the route jumps all over the city and would, in reality, necessitate wormholes. In fact, it's so unnecessarily labyrinthine that Google Maps refused to accept my attempts to input this many addresses and intersections. I had to create two separate maps plotting the route because Google said, in essence, "you're fucking with me, right?"

I'm not even mad; I'm just amazed they were so committed to filming what was technically not even a 'chase' that they set up in so many locations. All told, the route is 18 miles and would take nearly two hours in ideal traffic conditions (not the 15 minutes they allegedly have in the film)- and that's not even counting the half-dozen or so locations I was unable to identify. Despite my criticism, I can't say for sure what the best route would be, because I couldn't pinpoint where the Archbishop's house is meant to be located (tight exterior shots utilized a residence in Pasadena, but the cold open and the beginning of this final rushed errand show the surrounding neighborhood, perched on a hillside with a clear and distinct view of downtown and the bay). 

One strange note, which is that the filmmakers opted to use City Hall as a stand-in for the War Memorial Opera House, despite the actual thing being a mere block away on Van Ness. 

After the Archbishop's assassination, we are taken to an outdoors party with a postcard-perfect view of the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed in the posh enclave of Belvedere. As one might expect from a town with a butler's name, it's butt-puckeringly exclusive: the median home price is $3.5 million, but if you can't afford that, no worries, because rent only averages about $10,000 a month.

After leaving the party (I can only imagine because rich people kept mistaking her for catering staff), Gloria takes a drive along Highway 1 just north of the Golden Gate Bridge as the credits unfurl. I no longer have my helicopter, so I'm not taking any contemporary pictures for comparison, but be advised that the drive is stunning and well worth it, to this day. This particular shot is on Conzelman Road in the Marin Headlands, which gets closer to the Golden Gate than Highway 1 does.

When Gloria returns to the city with Scotty in her car, they're shown initially driving down Montgomery Street at Pine before she pulls over at Powell and Market Streets to let Scotty out at Hallidie Plaza. 

The exterior shots of the Nuart Theater were filmed in Southern California, but when Gloria returns home afterwards it is to 430 Vallejo Street, nestled on the backside of Telegraph Hill. Although closely scrutinizing these screen shots shows that this block of Vallejo Street was partially pedestrianized in 1978, just as it is today, it's evident that it wasn't until later that local residents fully took advantage of the opportunity to build a lush terraced garden. It's worth noting that 430 Vallejo is a fictional address; the house numbers on this block skip from 428 to 432. It's also worth noting that if Gloria were still living there five years later, she'd be neighbors with Elaine, Detective Jack Cates' girlfriend in 48 Hours.

The library where Gloria works was not a library but was, in fact, a K-5 elementary school named for women's activist Sarah B. Cooper. The building shown in the film has since been torn down and replaced, and the school has been renamed Yick Wo Elementary. 

When Gloria takes her lunch with her co-worker, it's at Fort Mason overlooking Aquatic Park. It's a bit of a long walk from the 'library,' but it's just credible enough to believe they could walk there, enjoy lunch, and walk back in an hour. I couldn't find the exact vantage point where this scene was shot (although I estimated it in the map below), and suspect it may be in a part of the park that is ordinarily closed to the public.

After being attacked by the albino, Gloria is seen fleeing down a small alley named Fresno Street, with the albino in pursuit. Gloria and Stanley are later shown climbing the Kearny Street steps towards Vallejo Street, with the street sign for Fresno visible in the background. It's funny that Gloria bothers to ask Stanley which of their apartments is closer, and funnier still when they go to his instead; at this point, they are literally half a block from Gloria's place. Granted, that half block from Kearny to Gloria's apartment is pure uphill murder- I don't have scientific instruments at hand, but I estimate a grade of approximately 2000%.

When Tony decides to take Gloria home with him, she correctly discerns they're headed towards the Golden Gate Bridge. They're shown driving on Lombard Street, one of the main arteries into (and out of) the city from the Golden Gate, and the less-glamorous, more utilitarian arm of the romanticized twisty-turny block of postcard fame. Amazingly enough, the neon signs for various motels are still standing 37 years later. 

The beach where Gloria's scarred would-be assassin washes up is on the west side of Fort Point, a Civil War-era structure nestled right underneath the Golden Gate Bridge. It appears that today the beach used in the filming is inaccessible to the public, but the Fort itself still provides some spectacular views of the coast, the city, and an unusual perspective of the iconic Golden Gate.

The address given to Gloria by Fergie to lead her to the villains is the corner of Mississippi and Mariposa Streets in the neighborhood known as Potrero Hill. Long neglected as a seamy industrial area (as evidenced in the film), Potrero Hill has since, like much of the rest of San Francisco, developed exponentially and now features high-end businesses. There is still a massage parlor on the corner- sort of. I mean, if you aren't massaging your dog when you give them a bath, you're kind of a monster.

Cyril Magnin- boy, has this guy changed!

OK, buckle up, we're going for a hell of a ride. And by "hell of a" I mean "hella long." As mentioned, I wasn't able to determine the Archbishop's neighborhood, as it were, and the first identifiable point I see in Tony and Gloria's dash downtown is Baker and California Streets.

Next they're shown turning west from Broderick Street onto Bush Street- which is the wrong way on a one-way street. Oops!

Hey, what's this? A new fun times restaurant, being opened by our very own Uncle Luigi! Ah, la vita e bella, Mamma is here with the vino and la famiglia will be having such buona sera, no? Naturally, Tony sends the car hurtling into the facade of the brand new-establishment, which crumbles like it's made out of saltines. The dough-tosser makes a heroic leap to save a customer in slow motion, the pizza dough lands on Mamma's head, and an immigrant family's dreams and savings are hilariously crushed under the heel of a careless driver who glibly informs them "I am the police."  Mama mia, indeed! This scene takes place at Hayes and Laguna in Hayes Valley.

After nonchalantly obliterating Uncle Luigi's livelihood, Tony commandeers the truck and possible residence of a hayseed gawking nearby (we know he's a hayseed because he's introduced with a harmonica). Suddenly they're magically transported two miles south to 24th Street, where they're shown crossing Castro Street in the Noe Valley neighborhood.

Wheeeee! Time for the fun hills! This one is 22nd Street at Vicksburg, looking east, a few blocks from the previous shot, and one of the city's more famous hills. At a 31.5% grade, it's tied for the steepest street in San Francisco, according to the San Francisco Bureau of Engineering (although independent research shows there are steeper blocks in the city which have not been officially recognized by the Bureau).

Then a quick jump even further north, three miles, to where Octavia ends at Sutter on the edge of Japantown.

Did they forget something? They returned back to 24th & Castro- it's a different angle, but other than that, it appears they double-backed and are driving down the exact same street, twice. 

The truck skids around a corner and through a filling station at the intersection of 20th Street and South Van Ness in the Mission. Today there's a laundromat on that spot. If I were in the car I would have jumped out here to go get a beer, some grub, and some metal at Bender's Bar and Grill on the corner of 19th. 

Now it's a quick jump back north to Japantown- the truck turns east on Sutter from Buchanan before attempting to skirt the red light at Laguna by driving through a mechanic's garage. Unfortunately, the hayseed's cabin doesn't make the clearance and comes unmoored from the bed of the truck. Tony, faced with once again having substantially ruined a sizeable portion of someone else's property, opts once again to spout a cheap joke and steal another car. I'm starting to think he might not be a very nice guy.

If you're playing 'San Francisco Car Chase' BINGO at home, tick off 'Cable Car' now. California & Larkin Streets.

Not content to ruin restaurants, vehicles, and aspirations, Tony takes out his bottomless rage on an innocent phone booth on Sacramento at Hyde Streets.

A mile away in posh Cow Hollow, the airport limo zooms up a hill on Broadway and past a mid-century apartment complex on the corner of Laguna. This is another instance of the director or editor loving this location so much, they used it twice- this time they didn't even bother breaking up the two shots, they just used them sequentially. Look, there they go past that apartment complex! Look, there they go past that apartment complex again!

Three blocks south at Laguna and Washington, the duo and their passengers encounter construction along the west side of Lafayette Park. Zooming through with a total disregard for safety, reality, or physics, the car jumps a dirt mound, catches air, and lands before skidding around the southwest corner of the park onto Sacramento Street. 

Through another wormhole and 1.2 miles away, the car speeds west on McAllister at Steiner; the distinctive steeple of the Third Baptist Church can be seen in the background. 

From there, they just need to stay on McAllister another mile and turn right on Van Ness, and voila! They're at the War Memorial Opera House (although, in reality, they're a block away at City Hall)! And that's how easy it is to drive across San Francisco in 15 minutes or less. 

Plot: 7/10- It's not airtight, but you could do a lot worse.
Authenticity: 5/10- Knows a shortcut to the bridge, but doesn't own a FasTrak and has to wait in the cash toll lanes.
Macrame Score: Double-granny knot with a wooden bead.
Overall: Like looking at your 8th grade photo where your LA Gears are on point and even though it's embarrassing now, you're still pretty proud of how good you looked for the time.

Foul Play on IMDB
Foul Play on Wikipedia
Foul Play's Interior Design

-EL

Hey, it's a summer blockbuster I would actually choose over a root canal! That's thanks in large part to the casting of Paul Rudd, who, at 46, appears to be some sort of immortal being in possession of a nice face and comedic timing, both of which are impeccable. Admittedly, it's a bit of a silly film, but for someone unfamiliar with/ambivalent towards the Avengers universe (which is shared with Ant-Man's universe, and with which there is some character cross-over), the light plot and humorous action keep it widely appealing. Also adding to the film's appeal is a writing credit from Edgar Wright (Dir. Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, Scott Pilgrim). Directed by Peyton Reed; also starring Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, and Corey Stoll. 2015.

Hank Pym (Douglas) is a genius scientist who's invented the Pym particle, which enables technology that can collapse the distance between molecules- in other words, a shrink ray! Although Pym starts his own company to keep the technology out of the wrong hands, he finds out too late he's been ousted by his former disciple, Darren Cross (Stoll). Pym and his daughter Hope (Lilly) recruit Scott Lang (Rudd), an ethical burglar with a heart of gold and an adorably motivational daughter, to stage a daring robbery of Pym Technologies and wrest the development out of the bad guys' hands. Using a specially constructed suit and helmet, Lang is able to shrink to the size of an ant while retaining his full-size strength, making him a considerable opponent. Also, there's some Avengers stuff. 

I say this not as a San Franciscan, but as a great admirer of Mr. Stuart L. Goddard: this film's soundtrack contains no Adam Ant, which is to its enormous and everlasting deficit. 

That said: Fun movie! 

While the Pym Technologies building on Treasure Island was CGI, it's certainly not a far stretch to imagine San Francisco as the epicenter of groundbreaking technology. It's also not difficult, in a modern San Francisco of extremes, to imagine Scott, fresh out of San Quentin, sharing a small Tenderloin efficiency apartment with three other societal outcasts. In fact, my only quibble with the movie's authenticity where this point is concerned is the fact that as a newly released ex-con, Scott would surely be required to live in a halfway house for a certain number of months. But I'm not his parole officer, so what do I know?

The apartment Scott shares with his three friends (and eventual Ant-Man co-conspirators) is located above a corner store on the northeast corner of Ellis and Jones in the Tenderloin neighborhood. 

The fictitious Pym Technologies headquarters uses the exterior of the State Archive Building (now closed) in Atlanta, Georgia. Through the magic of CGI the building is placed 3,000 miles away on the southwestern point of Treasure Island. Treasure Island, clearly and starkly manmade in contrast to connecting Yerba Buena Island, was originally constructed for the 1939 Golden Gate International Exposition before being converted to a Navy base in 1941. Today it provides housing for about 2,500 San Francisco residents as well as docks for sailing enthusiasts and a monthly dog-friendly flea market.

Plot: 9/10- Seems totally airtight to me, said the woman who last sat through a science class 15 years ago!
Authenticity: 8/10- For a film about shrinking humans down to insect size, the other aspects of the plot are fairly realistic.
Paul Rudd's Pretty Pretty Face Score: 10/10- It would almost be bearable if there were rumors about what a huge asshole he is. But by all accounts, he's a great guy. UGH.
Overall: Considering it's the type of film that inevitably advertises its sequel in a post-credit scene, I found it surprisingly enjoyable. Besides, if a sequel means a better chance of seeing Paul Rudd in my city, I'm all for it.

Ant-Man on IMDB
Ant-Man on Wikipedia
Adam and the Ants perform Plastic Surgery, 1977

-EL

PS: Full August entry coming soon!